This week I've completely overhauled my understanding of the world and my place in it. Yes, that's right; literally overnight--it was a very long night--I shifted my own paradigm! It was one of those bulky, awkward ones that's so old no one sells parts or service for it anymore, so I thought, "What the heck? I'm upgrading!" A long week filled with many emotions and dramas had brought me to the blessed point at which some of my unexamined (and apparently unstable) underpinnings were shaking loose. (Please note: I can't recommend this process for its entertainment value.)
At any rate, in turns out that (forgive the computing metaphor) a virus in my operating system was running a program called "in order for people to like me, I have to be nice." Wow. Then I got to thinking about what "nice" really means, because the word has always had connotations for me (at least in my conscious, waking mind) of insipidness, dullness, and passivity. I looked it up in the dictionary, and sure enough, the Old English meaning of "nice" is "stupid" and "ignorant." Hah! So there it was in print, confirmation that my compulsion for being nice in all situations was not such a noble or worthy thing.
Having come to this conclusion, I made the massive intuitive leap (remember, it's about 3 in the morning at this point) that perhaps I don't have to spend so much energy on MAKING everyone like me by being stupid and ignorant, i.e., playing small to make everyone feel better about themselves. In fact, my tired brain continued, what if I actually honored my own needs and wants BEFORE I raced to anticipate and fulfill the wants and needs of others? Then what would happen? Would the Entire Known Universe (EKU) grind to a halt because I gave up my role as General Manager?
The next step in this feverish process came as I gave some thought to the word "kind" and how different its meaning is from "nice." Kind means, more or less, "affectionate and loving." "Well, that's exactly how I imagine and hope God/Spirit/Source loves me," I thought, "and what would happen if I truly accepted that love and passed it on in the form of kindness to my fellow Earthlings, rather than niceness, which actually harms me and others by propagating that mind-virus?"
I have to tell you, this was earth-shattering stuff for me. I bet many of you have been through this very same process (though hopefully not in the wee hours of the morning) and are transformed by the vision of a world in which each of us is in charge of our own happiness, and others are off the hook! What a concept.
I wish that our public schools and our society in general would stop telling us to "be nice," "play nice," and many other permutations of the same thing--all day, every day. What I hear now, since that late-night/early-morning insight, is "Be obedient, ignore your own needs, sit down, and shut up." Well, guess what? To quote the fabulous character Howard Beale in the 1976 film Network, I'm mad as hell and I'm not gonna take it anymore!" Now, I believe there's a healthy anger in that statement. We NEED to be angry at what we're seeing in the world, in our chaotic, hyperdrive lives, and in our own turbulent, worry-worn minds. Does that anger need to poison us? No! Can it serve to activate in us the motivation, drive, and desire to get healthy in our bodies and minds so we don't have to rely on the very authorities and agencies that want us to quiet down and go away? Yes!
Are you with me? OK! Now, having got all revolutionary on your a--, let's look at kindness as a new paradigm to install in our operating systems as individuals and as a race. Let's stand up, take back our power, and look upon everyone with affection and love, realizing--as I believe God/Spirit/Source looks upon us--that despite all outward appearances, each of us, from the FDA commissioner to the drug CEOs to government officials at all levels, is doing what he or she thinks is best to move the human race forward, given our own level of understanding and set of tools. If each of us can say to ourselves, no matter what others are doing, "My happiness depends on myself. You're off the hook!" I think that would be REAL kindness and a giant leap forward in our evolution as a species. Thanks for reading!
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